A Week Gone By

I'm going to apologize in advance, this hasn't been the best of weeks for me, and quite frankly ended in a melt down.

School is going full force right now and the panic of tests and quizzes is settling in. I like the classes I am taking. Math is my favorite and since it is the beginning of the year it is still pretty simple. Human Geography and Humanities III are drags, as always, and Ed Psych makes me think that my parents were awful. (but they did the best they could (;)

The week kind of floated by in a blur. Making small talk with people that you see everyday, but not know their names. It's odd to think that you see someone in the same class and speak to them every period you have together, yet you know nothing about them. I couldn't pick half the kids I have classes with out of a crowd. For example, one night at the bars my friends and I ran into this nice group of girls, them being way more intoxicated than us, we made friends with them, well at least for the night. We even ended up adding each other on snapchat. I never saw the group of girls again, except for one. I have a class with her, and I've seen her at Salt (or Church), and it turns into that awkward situation when you don't know if someone remembers you, and so you make awkward eye contact and then your left with the question of if they remember, but you don't want to ask and possibly make it more awkward. Because in college you're around people ALL THE FREAKING TIME. And God forbid you land in one awkward conversation, because around here, 15 other people heard you make a fool of yourself as well.

On the topic of being a fool, today wasn't one of my highlights. I was fine for the night until one little thing happened. The hardest thing is my friends don't understand why I'm upset. They weren't put into the same situations I have. I have a constant fear of being pushed out. I often times don't like when a friend brings someone else into the group. There has been more than one time that I have had friends, and have just been left in the dust for someone better, and I'm not talking "oh junior high was bad," I'm talking, this is a very fresh wound. And it's not even that I'm worried about being pushed out of the friendship, it's more of a pushed out of the moment. Driving by yourself when your friends are in another car, or having to stand outside while your friends are in. It gets down to the point where I need to feel wanted. I need the confirmation of them asking me if I want to come, not assuming I will tag along.  I don't know, maybe I'm just needy. But what hurts, hurts. and theres no changing that fact that a friend shouldn't make rude comments to another, no matters who the other person is.