I Put the Pro in Procrastination

If you know me, you know that everything I do is done at the last possible minute. Everything from doing my makeup for the day to writing a paper. But this week I've hit the deep end. I have always been used to doing everything at the last minute so I wasn't surprised when my professor announced a project in October that wouldn't be due until November that I put it in the back of my mind. Now he would mention it here and there in class, but I wouldn't listen! I mean it wasn't due for weeks! Well big surprise when I went to class and my fellow students asked what my project looked like and when I told them I hadn't started they gave me the "Are you nuts?!" eyes. Yupp, it was due the next week. So last night I drug Shayla out to a 24hr McDonalds where she got her burgers and I got my 10 piece nuggets and we sat down and cracked these projects out. Shayla was also working on a class, although she was not procrastinating...she's all the way ahead into December (sure wish I had her motivation). It wasn't until 2:38 that we left McDonalds and headed back to the dorms where I spent another hour writing a bit more. Now here I am, today I have 1 quiz, 1 test, and a project that I still have 4 more things to do to. Lord have mercy on my soul and I PROMISE that next semester I will not let myself get this far behind.


Maybe.

Plans Don't Always go as Planned

I'm a planner when it comes to everything but school. I can't seem to get my life organized when it comes to classes, when quizzes are, or when homework assignments are do. I don't even have a plan for most of the homework i get anyway. I often go to class and wing it, and so far its been working for me. I am however a great planner when it comes to group outings. I love the excitement of planning an event and inviting everyone, and just having the days agenda all up in my head. I'm sure Angelene gets annoyed with sometimes because I tell her my weekend plans just so I can hear myself say them out loud and also so she can catch any holes in the plan, which there sometimes are.

This weekend I am especially excited because its all about celebrating Halloween and anything to do with this spooky holiday gets me excited! And my friends from Wayne are coming, so that's pretty cool too. In the planning process I have taken upon myself to be the one to house everyone coming to visit, and by that I mean asked my mom if she could tell my dad that I have friends coming over. As a farmer during harvest season, (and because of the currently crappy bean/corn prices) my dad is not his most joyful self in the fall. I find it easier to ask my mom to tell him so that I don't get the backlash. Especially since this time there will be a total of 8 college students stuffed into out guest room basement. I insured my mother though that I would keep them as quiet as I can, which doesn't say much as I am usually the one that people have to hush in situations like this.

The original plan was to go camping Friday night after haunted housing and do what almost all college kids would do at an unsupervised camping site: fish, s'mores, and beer. But after looking at what the temperatures have been at night, a few of the girls decided that they wouldn't be up for trying it. So again, we are back to my basement and trying not to wake the beast (my dad). After a little thought I decided to ask Angelene if we could borrow her parents fire pit so that we wouldn't have to skip out on the weenie roasting and s'mores part of the night. Thank god we have the Enkes, because I don't know what I'd do. In the off chance that we won't be able to use the fire pit though I have a back up plan. Which includes a small charcoal grill and lighter fluid.

Even when you try to plan an event out, even if it's weeks ahead, they don't always go as planned. I'm sure my moms okay with it though, now I can return the sleeping bag I bought on her credit card. (:

I Loved Him First

As some of you may know over the summer I had a dream come true and I got a little baby hedgehog of my own. I saved up my waitressing money this summer and in June I found a hedgehog breeder that had very good reviews and were reasonably priced. I contacted the breeder from Renn's Hedgehog Heaven via Facebook and she quickly got back to me saying that I can pick any one of the hedggies on the Facebook page. After a few hours of going back and fourth I picked out a little light colored male named Vance. After giving the breeder a 50$ down payment she sent me new pictures of Vance and the date I would be able to pick him up.  A few short weeks, I was able to pick up Vance. He was so teeny tiny and sweet, it didn't take long for him to stop hissing in my hands and he rode well in the car. I had changed his name form Vance to Hamlet. He came in a little tupperware box with holes drilled on the top, but instead I held him in my lap as I drove home from Omaha. When I took him home I had his little habitat ready for him. The habitat had a little hut I painted for him to hide in and a snuggle pouch as well. I even got him a little wheel and dig box that he loved to play in. Almost every morning I would have to put his rocks back in his dig box because he love to push them out. I had a little fleece cut out so I could hold him without worrying about his little quills poking me. It was great, until I moved back to college. Ang and I moved back to Cedar Falls and into the dorm Campbell this time. We had a cute little set up with Hamlet in the middle section of shelves about our tv. We had a cute little curtain covering him up as pets were illegal in the dorms, but Hamlet was too cute not to sneak in. Life was great, we had friends coming in to visit Hamlet and he was getting used to being held by strangers. Unfortunately the good life didn't last long.

It wasn't even two weeks into school and the allergies started. I woke up in the middle of the night sneezing more than 6 times in a row. Ang woke up to ask me if I was okay. I ended up having to take my inhaler and medicine until I could fall back asleep 2 hours later. I was hoping it was just seasonal allergies and not from my little hedggie, but I was proven wrong when the next three nights went the same way. I even tried taking allergy medicine before I went to bed, but alas, it did not help. After along discussion with my mom and talking to other friends for advice I decided to have Ang take Hamlet home as she was headed there that weekend anyway. After a few days of talking about it Mom and I decided to sell Hamlet to one of Mom's friend's daughter. She was more than thrilled to finally get a hedgehog as I did and she decided to keep his name Hamlet, which I am very thankful for. I know it was not something I can control, but it breaks my heart having to give my baby up. All the time and love I put into getting his home ready and making sure he was happy. I am just thankful he is happy with his new owner and I know that she will love him as I did.

29/73

June is the first official month of summer. It's the month of my mom's birthday, the pool opens, and it's the 1 month this summer where I have absolutely nothing planned. I don't plan to go anywhere, and it's supposed to  be my relaxing month, key words "supposed to". Even when I have a full month set aside to do whatever my heart wants my mind cannot seem to settle. I have two jobs this summer so this helps me keep my mind off things but the (very few) days I have off I can't help but to feel the need to fill the days with as many friends as possible. To me the summer is time to rekindle friendships put on hold, but during the school year I had decided to let the small flames die out and focus on the ones I am closest too. This is hard because the days where most of my other friends are busy and I have money burning a hole in my pocket, all I want to do is call up anyone to go out. I am teaching myself that it is okay to sit at home and do nothing for a while. So far on my days off I have learned two new songs on the uke, painted three pictures, two over done sketches, played hours of sims, played GTA V and tried not to hit a single thing (the rule is I have to restart a mission if I wreck) and caught up on most of my Netflix. Summer is meant to be about relaxing, and yet I find myself pulling my hair at the mindlessness of sitting at home. I didn't think I'd say it this early but I am ready for the scheduled days and the monotony of college life.

It's Beginning to Feel a lot like Summer

Sophomore year is in the books and let me tell you I have never been more ready for summer break. It is now the first week of summer break and so far the days have been filled with Netflix, long showers with no shoes, and sleeping in til noon. Well I slept in til noon during school too, but there's something more satisfying about waking up and not going to class. Getting home from break was a little hectic. Originally the plan was to have Ang and my parents come up Thursday afternoon and pack us up to go, but rain just had to get in the way. It had been raining multiple times prior to our move out date and due to our dad's both being farmers they had to stay back so they could get into the field. Our mom's being the kind souls that they are decided to come up just the two of them to help us move out, but that too did not happen. Ang's new little nephew just could not wait to see the world and caused our moms to stay back for the delivery. It was Wednesday night, and we still didn't know if we were moving out Thursday or Friday. It wasn't until Thursday morning that our parents told us that our mom's would be staying back for the baby and that Ang's dad would come up with the van to load all the big things and haul them back as quick as possible. Later into lunch we learned that Ang was an aunt once again, and we couldn't wait to get home.

The first three days hoe were spent even busier than finals week. Friday mom woke me up before noon (it's harder than you think), and together we went on a shopping day. We at lunch at my absolute favorite restaurant and went to the small to find some cute summer outfits and dresses to wear to upcoming wedding we would be photographing. When we were finished shopping mom dropped me off at my friend Mollie's house. It was so refreshing to see her again. She is someone who can literally make you smile, and she's great to have deep meaningful conversations with. Later on Karli joined us along with Mollie's friend Ben and out for sushi we went! The old market was another great place to be back in once again. My goal this summer is to get someone to go on a horse carriage ride with me. Karli was so kind as to give me a ride home and we had a great conversation, she is another one I can always talk to. (:

Saturday marked the first wedding of the summer. I seriously have no idea how my mom does it. I like taking pictures and all, but I do not have the creative mind, or the patience to get everyone together and posed. My favorite part is when my mom tells me to go take detail shots. For those of you not in the photography world, detail shots are pictures of the little details of the wedding. Detail shots can range anywhere from rings to flowers, or shoes to programs. This time the couple had a really cute ring box that looked like a little tree stump that held both rings, and i got some pretty neat photos with it if I do say so myself. Really the only parts about photographing wedding I don't like are the ceremonies and the receptions. For ceremonies I have the older camera so I cannot zoom in well, also I am usually positioned at the back, or the balcony of the church and don't take many pictures. Mom always tells me to just get the main shots: the kids, the bride, the kiss. Receptions usually are just as boring as the ceremony. We literally sit and watch people eat for an hour, maybe more. There are no pictures you can take while people eat. Luckily for me, my mom was kind enough to let me leave early for a friends graduation party the next town over. There I was able to see friends I haven't seen in forever, eat cake, and most importantly play with a hedgehog. Chels brought her hedge hog to her party and he was almost more popular than her. Afterwards I was able to see her new apartment and hangout with her and her sister a bit before heading home for the night.

Sunday I had to once again wake up before noon and I was getting sick of it. This time though, was to make some money. I will not be getting paid for the weddings this summer as mom helped me pay for my laptop after spilling water on my other one and this is how I can pay her back. Sunday was also my first day back at Wings since January. Being gone that long I definitely missed a few things. One of them was the new manager, he isn't bad, but he is the same age as me. In fact we graduated together. Now there's nothing wrong with this, except for it was a little different to think that someone who I always saw as equal is now my boss. It was also mother's day so we were expecting it to be busy and it was, but that was good because I was hoping to make enough money to take my mom out for the night. I made enough to take my mom out to one of our favorite fancier restaurants, Ruby Tuesdays, and the new movie "Mother's Day". What a fitting title. She loved it and I topped off the night with a typical mom post on Facebook.

Monday and Tuesday were my first two days to relax and I was taking advantage of it. Mom was in South Dakota and these were the days I was able to sleep until noon and do nothing but watch Netflix and relax. Tuesday I actually took a shower and got into a clean set of jammies. I also hit a new record on Netflix, it asked me FOUR times if I was still watching. Wednesday was another relaxed day and I went to the grocery store to get some healthy food, that right I'm (trying) to diet, again. Dinner I met up with Ang and a few other friends and ate at a local restaurant, After dinner I was able to meet her new little nephew and head home. And here I am now, 1 AM and still too scared to go to sleep. Dad plays cards on Wednesday's and usually stays out pretty late, which is usually okay because mom would be here, but she isn't. I don't know what it is about the dark but I have some kind of phobia of being by myself at night. I'm fine as long as someone is in the house too but without someone there I am paranoid. So currently I have all the lights on, all the blinds shut, and the tv on. I also texted a few friends to see if they can spend the night but I assume they are sleeping. So to calm my nerves I decided to catch up on my writing. Dad should be here soon and I should be going to bed soon so I will have enough energy for the Luke Bryan concert tomorrow.

Until next time.
       -Marissa

A Thank You To My First Mentor Teacher

It was the first time in 14 years that I stepped foot into a kindergarten classroom. I was nervous and to top it of the beginning of the day was awful. I had been assigned to Mrs. Phillips classroom in Waterloo. At 7 in the morning I typed in the elementary school and went on my way, later I would find out that google maps had taken me into the elementary in Cedar Falls. It was my first day and I had already made an awful impression. Lucky for me Mrs. Phillips is the most understanding person I have ever met. She could tell I was nervous as I was apologizing for my tardiness, and she comforted me and helped me through my first day.

The first Monday I was there I had to introduce myself to a circle of 23 wide eyes kids. They were so entranced that there was someone new in the room. I told them my name and a few things about me. I  told them that I was in school just like them, and that I lived on a farm. As soon as the word farm left my mouth about 6 hands shot up, some didn't even raise their hands and just shouted out questions and statements. "My grandpa has a farm!", "Do you have cows?", "Do you milk your cows?", "Do you drive a tractor?!" After the questions were answered the students went on with their day. Throughout the day I was asked several times what my name was and how long I will be there. When I left at 12:30 I was excited to call my mom and tell her all about my day.

The second week the kids were just as excited as the first. A few remembered my name. and a few just remembered that I lived on a farm. The second week I was thrown in with the kids to help. This was both exciting and nerve wracking. There were several times a student had a question that I wasn't sure how to answer. Who would have thought that a kindergartener could ask a question that would stump a college sophomore, well they can, and they did several times. The third week I went the students all knew my name and started greeting me in the morning with hugs. By now it was easier to answer questions now that I knew how things worked. For one of the weeks I had to come to school on a Friday instead of a Monday and let me tell you, those kids were shocked like I had just walked in with a box of puppies. Immediately several of them asked why I was there and asked me if I will be on Friday's from now on. I knew Kindergarteners had a short attention span, but man, those kids get distracted by a fly.

Later on in the semester it had some time for me to teach my micro lesson. This lesson consisted of everything that I had learned from Mrs. Phillips about classroom management, and teaching, as well as my ability to use the skills I have learned and teach a 15 minute lesson. Mrs. Phillips gave me a few ideas for assignments that would go well with what they were learning that week and the rest was up to me. Mrs. Phillips was very kind and gave me a few words of advice before starting. She said to use a BIG commanding voice, to be confident, and that I had been doing so well with the kids thus far. I began my lesson, used my BIG voice, and the kids listened without a hitch. The lesson went so smoothly form transition into the lesson, pre lesson, the worksheet, and the final transition.

Bottom line is that I wouldn't have been able to do it without Mrs. Philips as my mentor. She showed me what it takes to be a teacher and the good and bad of being one. She gave me confidence when I was nervous, and gave me advice when I was unsure. She never batted an eyelash when I had questions and made sure that I got a full experience. I will always look back on her words of wisdom and will never forget my first class and my first little kiddos.

Thank you.

Let Me Tell You 'Bout My Best Friend

Friendships are one thing I take very seriously. I've never really had a relationship with a boyfriend so I spend most of my free time with my friends. When I was younger I would even put extra effort into friendship that were quite small and wouldn't make it past high school, but I did that because I would rather have a lot of little friendships than none at all. After high school I was surprised with some of the friends that I have kept. Some of them were the small friendships that grew as we did, and some dwindled, but we still check up on each other every few months. There are about 3 that I have kept strong through it all.

One of which is my roommate Ang. Our mothers tried to force us to be friends when we were younger and it pretty much blew up in their faces when we ended up constantly fighting. We were both the babies, and because of that we were queen bees of our own homes. What happens when you get two spoiled queens together? Pulled hair, names called, tears shed, and a box of brownies smashed over a head. Looking back today, it gives us a few good laughs. It wasn't until high school that we actually began to act civil and like each other. I'm a school year older so when I went off to school in Wayne we found ourselves texting one another, and lots of snapchats. The weekends home were spent playing sims next to each other, not talking much but just being there was enough. When I decided to switch schools she pretty much bullied me into being her roommate, texting me weekly if I got accepted, and not taking no for an answer. So here we are today, we still annoy each other just like any two sisters would, and there has yet to be another brownie box smashing, but we still have three more years.

Another friend I have kept around was Karli. She and I are completely polar opposites, and sometimes I wonder how the heck have we stayed this close? But trust me it works. There have been a few conflicts because we were so different, like in foods class and we had to make a casserole together. Karli wanted a spicy casserole and I wanted one that was not, and us both being too stubborn to give in (one thing we have in common). We  ended up compromising, with the help of our teacher and made a casserole that was half and half. And if were being honest here, I should have listened to Karli because me side was AWFUL. Growing up we have always known each other, started kindergarten together and graduated high school together. It wasn't until junior high that we had become close. We worked on a FCCLA project and actually made it to state where we got a silver metal (the only metal I have EVER gotten). It was a lot of fun to do that with her and we got a couple good memories out of it. Like the time my mom picked us up to take us to the library and started driving with Karli half in the car. We still make fun of her for that(: We have had a couple arguments and a fist fight or too, or maybe I should call it Karli coming at me and I running away like the wimp I am, but we have stayed together through it all. Today she lives in Altoona and I'm in Cedar Falls, but we make it work with constant snapchats and a funny picture text here and there, and weekends spent at home and getting sushi. It's all a build up to her coming to Cedar Falls in the fall and Karli, Ang, and I living a block away from each other. I seriously CANNOT WAIT!

Last but not least theres Kasie. Now her and I's relationship was a little different. We have had what you can call a friend-enemy friendship. Kasie and I also have always known about each other, like Karli, we started kindergarten together and graduated together. In elementary my mom opened a photography studio in Avoca so often times after school I would go looking for someone to play with. Kasie often times would be the lucky one that got stuck with me for a few hours. We would spend our time going to the Dollar General in town, buying some candy and going to the library. I don't quite remember what had caused us to hate each other, but it happened. Kasie was a lot smarter than I was, mostly because I had my head in the clouds and a finger in my nose not knowing whats going on around me. One memory I will never forget was in 6th grade Kasie had convinced me that calling someone a "douche bag" was the same as a "goofball." Safe to say I learned the hard way they are not the same. The whole day I had been calling people a douche bag left and right, and because of it I got a call to the parents and no TV for two weeks (I'm still a little salty about it). There was also an event during the Homecoming parade in 6th grade. We were watching the parade and I probably said something rude to Kasie so she ended up tackling me, and in return I gave her lice from the tackling. So pretty much we full blown hated each other until Freshman year. It was when I had been going through a hard time with another girl in the friend group. She had been making rumors about me and because of it no one would talk to me, not even to tell me what I did wrong. I was blindsided. I ended up crying to Kasie in the locker room during PE and asked her what I did wrong. She put her hands on my shoulders and told me "I see what --- is doing, I know you didn't do anything." and that is how Kasie and I became friends again, and have been friends ever since. Today Kasie lives in Indianola and we are not very good at communicating, but or friendship is still strong. Our friendship is one of the good ones, where we do not talk a lot, but our love for each other does not change. We can go weeks without a text and then have a long skype call and nothing between us has changed. Together Kasie, Karli, and I are the three musketeers and that's something I hope will never change.

"Those Days"

8 years ago I was a lame kid in junior high that kept to myself. I talked to my family and a select three friends but mostly I kept my thoughts in my head. I didn't know what I liked and my mom still picked my clothes out for me. My go to hair style was a messy bun or just brushed and the makeup I owned consisted of a fake camera that had eyeshadow, blush, and lipgloss in different slots. I listened to Justin Bieber and whatever anyone around me was listening to. I loved my cat so much I tortured her by wrapping her up in a blanket so tight she couldn't move and made her sit on my lap. My weekends consisted of playing sims more than I'd like to admit. Back then sims 2 was the thing to be playing. Even though I was 12+ I was still too scared to stay home by myself at night and my cousins had to babysit me while my mom was taking pictures at weddings. I didn't try in class and in response I would often be grounded from the TV and internet for 2-3 weeks at a time, which usually only lasted a week because my parents would forget or I would sneak TV in while they were asleep. Needless to say I was an awkward kid, but I was happy.

5 years ago I was 14 and started my Freshman year of high school. I had made a group of friends different from the rest of the kids at school. You could say they were a "darker" crowd. I still hold 2 of them close to my heart today. I never regretted the friends I made, only the arguments we had. I still didn't try in school and with the addition of a cell phone the punishments for bade grades turned into the phone being taken away. At this point I was getting sneaky and took the letters from the mailbox before my parents could see them in order to avoid trouble. I think I hid over 7 letters total. I would dress in only t-shirts from hot topic and wear makeup that looked like a fat crayon went around my eyes ten times. My hair was either black, bright red, or some other absurd color. I went to concerts, specifically warped tour, and listened to all the alternative bands you can think of. And yes, I even had the haircut. A friend referred to me as "the happiest emo kid in the school".

2 years ago I started to learn who I was as a person. I was a senior in high school and a "manager" (water girl) on the football team. I didn't have black hair, and I wore whatever I felt like at the time, whether it be a t-shirt or a nice shirt with an a-line skirt. I listened to whatever I felt like that day and I went to country concerts with my mom. I talked to as many people as possible and never wanted to be alone so I made friends with anyone I could. My grades weren't the best, but they were better. I was the happiest I had been in high school.

Today I am in my second year of college. Grades still don't come easy but I try, and I don't get grounded anymore. I still listen to Justin Bieber and I still have all those bands on my iTunes. I still go to country concerts with my mom and I still go to the alternative concerts. I'm not scared to stay at home by myself but I am still scared of being alone. I still talk to most of the friends I made in high school, and I've added a few more to my list of good ones since going to college. I have cat named Wayne and plan on getting more as I grow older. I've gotten better at makeup and I still have a few of my favorite band tees. I still keep up with how the football team is doing and I look back at pictures and smile. I still try to make as many friends as possible and I'm still an awkward kid. And I'm still happy.

Three Weeks, Three Tests

I'm back from break and let me tell you, it's just one big tease for summer. I have had the hardest time focusing on my work and getting back into the swing of things. And to top it off these last few weeks have been the most stressful thus far. They have been a test of patience, faith, and just straight up tests in class. I haven't been writing lately and honestly it's life catching up to me. Most of my classes are alright, except for two.

One of them I have a teacher who I struggle to understand. The grade she has given me on a big project does not seem fair. I'm not going to go into the details of it, but I am going in tomorrow to talk to her about why she thought I did so horribly. I literally need half a point to bring the grade up to good standing.

               - Test of Patience 

Easter came and went and it was all good. It was fun to see the family and talk with everyone. Megan is not only my cousin but one of my closest friends I can talk to, especially about everything Jesus. After lunch Megan and I took a walk to Grandpa's grave. On this walk we talked about him, the future, and Jesus. We talked about where we are going to church and what we think of them. Talking to her I came to the realization that I am not getting what I need out the church I am attending. And don't get me wrong. I LOVE salt. I love the people, the worship, and the messages in general. Salt is just not the right fit for me. Their messages often cover things that we need to do to improve as Christians, or things that we may be doing wrong. Most days this is what I need to give me a kick in the butt to get back on track but lately this hasn't been helping. If anything it is making me feel like an awful Christian. I feel that right now I need not to be told I'm doing something wrong, but to be told it's okay to make mistakes. I need to be encouraged to better, not to be torn down for yet another thing I'm doing wrong. As of now I do not go to church regularly, but I continue to pray that God will lead me to where I need to go. 

             - Test of Faith

Tests have been stressing me out hardcore. the first test I took was over a week ago. I went into the classroom feeling halfway confident I would do okay, but was quickly shut down when I struggled to find answers. I have now waited over a week for the teacher to grade them and post the results online. The longer I wait the more nervous I get that it will be brutal. Everyday I refresh the page in the morning, during lunch, and before I go to bed. Also to top off test anxiety, I was blindsided with a test in my Humanities class. Monday night I started to feel an awful cold coming on and on Tuesday morning I couldn't hardly stand up from the headache. I decided to ignore Ang poking at me and sleep in for my first two classes since neither of them take attendance.  For my third class I decided to go since attendance is actually a part of the grade and good thing I did because it was test day. I'm not kidding when I say I had no clue we had a test. We didn't have class the Thursday before because it was a "review" day, which the teacher does at the end of every unit, so being the true blonde that I am didn't think anything of it and thought we had another unit before the test. Nope. And to top off me feeling dumb enough I got some dirty looks from kids who already think I'm incompetent. I could actually consider this another test of faith because man, I was praying hard the whole time I took the test. 

              - Tests in General 

*Lord please have mercy on my GPA this semester.

       

Technically It's Tomorrow..

Spring Break is near and I bet you can guess that I'm pretty excited. I have never really gone on a spring break trip, well I have, but at this point Kansas City doesn't really count. This time Angelene, her mom Jean, my mom, and I are going to Atlanta, Georgia. I've actually been in Atlanta before, yes it was the airport, but it still counts...sort of. As many already know I am a Walking Dead enthusiast. I have posters on my wall, blankets of Daryl, and I mean come on, I even have a section of my blog dedicated to an episode of the walking dead each week. So this brings me to the first reason of why I'm excited to go to Atlanta, it's where it all began. Who wouldn't be excited to go to the city where their favorite show started? Facebook, be prepared for cheesy Walking Dead references.

Reason number two, I get to spend time with my roommate outside of our daily lives. And I know this is cheesy and I know how much she loves gushy lovey stuff.. ;) but spending long hours around school and homework, our only free time has been getting dinner together. It will be nice to spend time with her and not talk about how much work we have on our shoulders. It's time to relax. We will also have a bonding time over the Harry Potter movies. I've never watched all of them or read the books, and those who know Ang usually associate her with it. These past two weeks we've been watching the series from start to finish. Often times I ask Ang about what's happening and she will tell me things that were in the books and not the movies. We plan to watch the last three on our way down. (:

Reason number 3, it'll be just like the good old days. Going on a road trip with our mothers is like taking a flashback to the late 90's early 00's. They drug us everywhere. And not only were we always together, many times we were dressed alike. Maybe I can take this opportunity to convince Ang to get a matching outfit and take a picture with me. I feel like this time around it'll be more fun because Ang and I will not be in our tizzy fits like we were back then. Also this will be a trip that we can remember and actually get involved with our mothers conversations.

Reason number 4, new scenery. Everything from the ride down will be new to me. I've never traveled farther south than Branson, Missouri. I'm excited to see different fields, and forecast says it'll be rainy most of the way there, which is nothing to complain about. I LOVE rainy weather. Even the people around me will be new, well not completely new. I grew up around Kaleen a bit, but it will be fun to see her and her cute little family as I have read a lot of her blogs.

Overall spring break will be a big breath of fresh air. And as I'm writing this at midnight, I can officially say that we're leaving for Atlanta tomorrow! (:

There's No Place like Home

If you can't guess by the title, I'M FINALLY GOING HOME! (: After 8 weeks of being in Cedar Falls I finally get to go back to the comforts of my queen sized bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see my family and friends, but man I cant wait to lay on a pillow top mattress. I'm probably going to go to bed at 10 every night just to get a good nights sleep in.
Nah let's be real here, my weekends going to be jammed packed with trying to see as many people, and do as many as my favorite things as I possibly can. Luckily my buddy from worked offered to cover my work shift on Friday so I am able to leave at 2 instead of 5. On Friday i plan on meeting possibly the cutest little hedge hog ever, Oliver. And send as many pictures as possible to my mom and keep convincing my mom I need one. I have a few friends who have one and when I asked mom she said "We'll see." Which in Tammy language means that if I keep telling and showing her cute things,  its a yes.
On Saturday I have a mom and me day, were going to go to the Farmhouse Cafe. If you ever go to Omaha please eat here. They have THE BEST chicken strips ever! They bread them with potato chips, which sounds weird, but trust me when I say they are amazing! Then at 12 I have a hair appointment. Now I wanted to do something different, like changing the cut or going back to my blonde, but she's booked full so I'm okay with a touchup and a trim for now. Next time I come home we'll change it up. Finally Saturday night I'm getting sushi with some friends and head back home to watch Molly B's Polka Party with my parents. It's weird, but it's what we do when I'm back. (:
I cannot contain my excitement, and have been telling anyone who listens that I'm going home. My heart is happy. (:

Living Life Around Asthma

This week in Ed Psych the class topic asthma came up a few times. This is something I can relate to. I was diagnosed with acute physically induced asthma when I was younger, about seven if I remember. I remember at school I had to go to the nurses office in the afternoon and take an inhaler that sounded like a train if I sucked in too hard. As I got older, the less I went to the doctor and eventually I stopped taking my inhaler and frankly forgot about it. It never really bothered me again until I was about 15. I mean it bothered me, I would get winded in P.E. and when doing physical activities, but I just associated it with being out of shape. Then when I was 15 my brother moved down to Kansas City. There my mom and I would visit for a week at a time about once a month. While down there he adopted a dog, I’m allergic to dogs. I would get itchy red eyes and hives, but nothing too bad. While visiting I would sleep on an air mattress, and wake up in the morning with the worst chest pain ever. It felt like someone was constantly sitting on my chest, and when I would breath in it was very shallow. It got so bad that when we stayed the night, I would stop breathing in my sleep and suddenly wake up gasping for air, a couple times this sent me into an anxiety attack. This scared my mom, so she took me to an allergist.

At the allergist I took multiple tests for weeks, and eventually learned most of what I am allergic to. I was allergic the dogs, cats, dust, christmas trees and much more. It got all the way down to I’m allergic to almost everything pollen related, and I’m lactose intolerant. And to top off the crap cake, I had full blown physically induced, cold induced, and allergy induced asthma. Of course out of everything that someone can suck at doing, I suck at breathing. After learning everything, it was time to take action. I started with singulair, a pill I take at night before bed, and two inhalers, one I take twice a day, and one for emergencies. Over the years my body got used to most of the medicine they were giving me. So now days I am down to two inhalers and over the counter allergy pills I take when allergies bother me. After almost 5 years of living with it, I’ve got my routine down pat. If I know I’m going somewhere that has a dog, or something I'm allergic to, I will start taking my inhaler twice a day, two days before I go there, twice a day while I’m there, and pills at about 10 AM everyday I’m there. Doing this I usually don’t have to use my emergency inhaler, unless one of the animals licks my face, then I’m just screwed. Besides asthma bothering me when I'm around allergens, it usually only bothers me when it's cold and I have to walk up the hill from my dorm, but I avoid that by driving to class, ha.

A few class periods ago we talked about the benefits of breastfeeding and what can happen if you don’t breastfeed. Asthma and allergies were two of the things that could be more severe if the child is not breastfed. Being adopted, I wasn’t, so now I am left to wonder if I would have such issues if I had been breastfed. From the little medical records I have on my birth mother, I know that she had issues with allergies, and she had acute asthma. I can’t help but think about what would be different if I was fed naturally, maybe I wouldn’t have asthma or allergies, or at least they wouldn’t have been so bad. From my life experience, if breastfeeding gives my child the slightest chance at not having as server allergies as me, I’m going to take it. I wouldn’t wish this annoyance on anyone. 

I'm Happy

Today, as I recover from yet another weekend out with my friends, I discovered that I'm okay. Really, I am. I think about all the things that could go wrong in my life right now, and I'm not doing to bad. I have amazing family and friends that love me, I have a roof over my head, and food in my belly (trust me more food than I need). Sure things may go bad from time to time, like a ruined laptop, but life always balances out. Everyday that I'm here I catch myself growing as an individual. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions. I do the things I like to do and I've found people that like the same things as me. I'm also finding different groups of friends that help me indulge in different things I like. I have my friends I go out and party with, I have my friends that bring out my nerdy side, and I have friends that we just order a pizza and sit and watch movies. It's good to have different friends to hangout with and I feel good with not sticking to the same few people all the time. I'm the type of person that can get too much of people and need time away, so with having different groups of friends makes it very easy to find someone else to talk to until I'm okay. With these new friends I am able be who I want be, and I am the same person no matter who I am with. This makes me very happy. In the past I always wanted to impress people and would often hold my opinions and interests back so that I would seem normal, but who wants normal. Here I can be who I want to be, and I am happy. (:

Water and Technology Do Not Mix

Today has been...eventful, and not the good kind. I started my day with hitting the snooze button a few too many times and accidentally slept through the time I was supposed to pick up a friend from class (sorry Kirsta). Since I was running late I decided to eat lunch in my room and work on the homework assignment that was due at 1. Needless to say I never finished my homework. As I reached for my cup of water it hit the side of the soup and all of the water went right on top of my laptop. All. Of. It. In a panic I picked up my laptop and shook it upside down to drain the water out, then grabbed a towel and tried to wipe out as much as I possibly could. After getting all that I could out of the laptop I laid a towel down on my bed and set the computer upside down on top of it. Next I put out all the pictures that got wet on my desk and set the fan to blow on the laptop and pictures.

After assessing the damage I frantically called my mom. The first few words I said were, "you cannot be mad, you did this before." 5 years ago mom spilt a bowl of cereal on her laptop, and unfortunately  could not save it. I bawled my eyes out to my mom and asked her what to do. She told me to try to take it the Geek Squad at Best Buy and see what they could do. So I dropped Krista off at class, decided to skip, and dragged my roommate across town with me to try and save myself from this horrible day. At Best Buy the employee basically told me that water damage is not good, and I would have to pay 35$ to send my laptop away, and IF they could fix it, it would cost at least 700$. In the end it would be cheaper to purchase a new laptop. After looking at the prices I called my mom and told her the news. Ang and I went to lunch and I borrowed her laptop to research prices and talk to my mom about what to do. After Ang got back from choir, I dragged her out once again and went back to Best Buy, paid 962$ for a new laptop, and went back home with my tail between my legs. After we got home we went to the union because we both had group projects to work on. When we were done, she went to work and stayed in the room to check out my laptop. For some reason I decided to try to turn it on once again. And. It. Worked. Right now every part of my laptop works fine and normally.

So here I am, sitting in my room, with one fully functional laptop in front of a fan, and typing my frustration out on another. Let's hope my luck doesn't carry over to my two tests tomorrow.

A Week Gone By

I'm going to apologize in advance, this hasn't been the best of weeks for me, and quite frankly ended in a melt down.

School is going full force right now and the panic of tests and quizzes is settling in. I like the classes I am taking. Math is my favorite and since it is the beginning of the year it is still pretty simple. Human Geography and Humanities III are drags, as always, and Ed Psych makes me think that my parents were awful. (but they did the best they could (;)

The week kind of floated by in a blur. Making small talk with people that you see everyday, but not know their names. It's odd to think that you see someone in the same class and speak to them every period you have together, yet you know nothing about them. I couldn't pick half the kids I have classes with out of a crowd. For example, one night at the bars my friends and I ran into this nice group of girls, them being way more intoxicated than us, we made friends with them, well at least for the night. We even ended up adding each other on snapchat. I never saw the group of girls again, except for one. I have a class with her, and I've seen her at Salt (or Church), and it turns into that awkward situation when you don't know if someone remembers you, and so you make awkward eye contact and then your left with the question of if they remember, but you don't want to ask and possibly make it more awkward. Because in college you're around people ALL THE FREAKING TIME. And God forbid you land in one awkward conversation, because around here, 15 other people heard you make a fool of yourself as well.

On the topic of being a fool, today wasn't one of my highlights. I was fine for the night until one little thing happened. The hardest thing is my friends don't understand why I'm upset. They weren't put into the same situations I have. I have a constant fear of being pushed out. I often times don't like when a friend brings someone else into the group. There has been more than one time that I have had friends, and have just been left in the dust for someone better, and I'm not talking "oh junior high was bad," I'm talking, this is a very fresh wound. And it's not even that I'm worried about being pushed out of the friendship, it's more of a pushed out of the moment. Driving by yourself when your friends are in another car, or having to stand outside while your friends are in. It gets down to the point where I need to feel wanted. I need the confirmation of them asking me if I want to come, not assuming I will tag along.  I don't know, maybe I'm just needy. But what hurts, hurts. and theres no changing that fact that a friend shouldn't make rude comments to another, no matters who the other person is.

A Stangers Compliment

This morning I woke up with enough time to do something a little extra with my hair and makeup. This doesn't happen very often as I usually sleep in until 15 minutes til class. I tried a hairstyle that I've seen a few times on the internet. it consists of a headband going around your head and slightly over the forehead, the hair in the back is flipped into the headband making it an updo. I don't know if I really like it or not. I asked Angelene what she thought of it and she told me that its good and that I should keep it for the day, but why is it hard for me to find confidence in it when a friend obviously says its cute?

And why should we even care what our hair looks like? It's whats on the inside that counts right? Sometimes I just want to cut my hair short and leave it straight everyday, but I wouldn't be able to pull it off. It wasn't until a complete stranger told me she thinks my hair is cute, that I decided I like it. Why does it take a complete stranger to make me feel okay, rather than a friend I've known and trust forever? 

I guess it goes back to high school. There was a girl that I was friends with early on in high school, she would tell anyone when something looks bad. Now she wasn't a necessarily a mean girl, she would tell you if something looked good too. The bad thing was I constantly sought after her approval of everything. This didn't exactly build up my confidence. To this day I still talk to her, and I find myself snapchatting her to ask if something is cute. The other week I decided that I am not going to do this anymore. I need to find my own sense of what looks right and not. If I like something then, dammit, I'm going to wear it proud. But now I find myself seeking approval from elsewhere, like complete strangers. It's baby steps, eventually I will grow the confidence in myself to wear what I want and surround myself with people who don't care what the outside looks like.   

Home is Where my Mom Is

Today has been a day that is hard to find motivation for. Morning classes were cancelled, which is nice, but has no affect on me because my classes didn't start until one today. I woke up at 10:30, showered and did my homework for todays class, all the while trying to convince Krista to let us skip, it didn't work. Sometimes I hate her being a good influence. So I slumped around and got ready for class and as we were headed out to the car (yes because we drive to class and are lazy) we saw the drift behind my car was too high for my poor little focus to make it over. So we had to trudge to class in the cold. I guess it was a good thing we went to class because we covered material that I needed help on and we turned in our papers. After class we, again miserably walked back to the dorms and I laid in my bed before going to work a little longer than I normally do. The cooks in Rialto know that I usually get out of my class at about 1:50-55ish so I usually go to my room and take 10 minutes to change and pull my hair back in enough time to get to work at 1:15ish. But today I waited a little longer than I usually do, trying to find the motivation to put a smile on.

After work I laid in my bed a little longer, watching a little Bob's Burgers and looking on Facebook to pass the time. This is when I came across a post that my Mom had shared about being a mother, and the different views of different mothers. She had the caption "I've been a few of these mom's." I'll post it below because I'm sure not everyone will want to read it. This post hit me, hard. At first I thought about how my parents had gone through a tough time with money when they were trying to adopt me. Money was such a factor that they worried they weren't going to able to afford everything for the actual adoption. Then I thought about all the times my mom has had miscarriages. I don't know the pain, and honestly I hope I never will, but I saw a friend of mine go through it not too long ago and it hurt my heart. I can't imagine what my mother had gone through, losing 3 babies. The next part of the post was about a teenager who disagreed and argued with her mother. I had definitely done that more than once. I am just like my mom, which is wonderful and awful all in the same. I love my mom and look up to her, but man do we butt heads sometimes. Finally the post ended with a little old lady who tells the teenager to love her mom because she had lost hers 20 years ago. My heart is breaking right now I miss my mom so much. I have not seen her in four weeks and I will not see her until another four, this is the longest I have ever been away from home, and I hope i don't have to do this again. I'm probably going to go call my mom now and go to bed, Goodnight.

This is what my mom posted today:

A tired, new mother wears her baby through the aisles of Target, hair in a messy bun and eyes burning from sleep deprivation. She pauses briefly to pull a stylish dress from a discount rack, wondering if the flowy ruffles would conceal her post-partum pudge. “$25 is a lot of money,” she ponders aloud, placing the dress back with a frown. Then, she hears the giggles of two women. She watches as they mindlessly shop the same section with fresh makeup and smiles. Their carts are loaded up as they turn to the dressing room, hot lattes in hand. A pang of envy sneaks into her gut.

“I really miss that,” she whispers, pushing her cart toward the diaper aisle, kissing the hair of her snoozing infant.

******

The woman found herself walking through the sale racks, grabbing items and tossing them into the shopping cart. As grateful as she was that her best friend flew in from out of state, all she really wanted was to be home beneath the covers. This was supposed to be an outing to “get her mind off the pain”. But everywhere she looked, there were mamas with babies or growing bellies. She took a sip of her chesnut latte and threw a beige leather purse in her cart, pushing back tears. Her hand wandered down to the place a baby once grew. Oh, how she longed for a kick in her belly, or any proof of the growing life that once existed inside. Her eyes wandered toward a tired new mama, kissing her baby’s head and strolling toward the diaper aisle.

“I really miss that,” she thinks, heading to the dressing room with her friend.

********

A teenager rolls her eyes and huffs loudly. “Mom, they wouldn’t sell it in the JUNIORS section if it was inappropriate for my age. Gahd, I don’t know why you are so ridiculous about this. I can’t wear anything that’s cool!” Her mother hesitantly eyes the floral halter top, inspecting it’s spaghetti straps and short-length waist. “Honey, if it was just a little bit longer…” her voice trails off as her daughter storms away. She pushes the cart after her, throwing the flowery halter into the basket. As she makes her way after the angry teen, she hears a toddler squeal with delight. She smiles and watches as the toddler’s mother lifts him out of the shopping cart and nuzzles him close for a hug.

“I really miss that,” she thinks to herself.

*******

Toddler mama nuzzles her little man with a hug. After months of teething and sleep-deprivation, she was beginning to feel defeated. But last night Little Man slept 7 hours. Seven. Whole. Hours. She felt somewhat human after a ginormous coffee and a frantic, 2-minute shower. One good day almost wiped out the memory of 100 bad ones. Maybe, just maybe, they were turning a corner. She placed her son back in the cart with a kiss, and headed toward check-out.

“Thank God for one. good. day.” she thinks with a smile.

*****************

The little old lady with powder-gray hair fumbles for the Target dog sticker when she sees a young mom approaching. 60 years of hard work, and Miss Betsy still couldn’t find it in her heart to retire. Her joints ache from standing and scanning, but she still finds joy in the interactions she would otherwise not receive in her quiet, dusky apartment.

She offers a receipt and a sticker to the mom with a toddler. She blows kisses to the bouncy boy. He giggles in return.

She smiles at the woman with a full cart at checkout. “What a lovely purse you found! It will work with every season!”

She gives a knowing wink to the mother with a teenager, whose daughter has her arms crossed with a pout. (Mom decided against the floral halter, after all). The sweet old lady hands the receipt to mom, then addresses her daughter.

“Thank God for every day you have your mother. I lost mine twenty years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't miss the chance to argue with her.”

And as the teenager rolls her eyes and mumbles “yes ma’am”, Miss Betsy closes her checkout lane and clocks out for break. With tears gathering in her eyes, and memories flooding her mind, she quietly whispers:

“I really miss that.”

Snow Days are Good for the Soul

You have no idea how much joy I had in my heart when I looked at my email this morning and saw that we had no school. Being in college, snow days are almost unheard of. In my time at Wayne I didn't have a single snow day. Well, I should say school never called a snow day, there were far too many times when I stayed cozy in my bed and watched the brave souls trudge to class.

To celebrate the snow, Angelene and I spent most of our day watching netflix. I am on another Ghost Adventures kick. I know it's lame and a little weird and controversial that I, a proud follower of Jesus, watch these kind of shows, but they always catch my interest. It's the adrenaline and excitement I can feel when I watch it, and lets be honest, Zak Bagans is not hard to look at (;

Later in the day Ang and I talked about how our room set up blocks the sunlight out of our room and makes it look darker than it actually is. This is when Ang looked at me and said the most beautiful words I have heard all year, "Do you want to rearrange?" OH MY LORD, this is my favorite thing to do! At home my room is very rarely the same. At Wayne I annoyed my roommate with how much a rearranged my side of the room. I'm also pretty sure that my neighbors below hated me. Ang and I made our game plan on how we wanted the room to look and went into Krista and Ryleigh's room to see if they weren't busy to see if they could help. There we met one of Ryleigh's new friends and had an impromptu game of Mario Monopoly. Angelene and I are used the Mario world as we play our wii regularly, Ryleigh, not so much. Half way through the game Ryleigh asks, "Is this Mario Kart?" which lead to the three of us dying laughing. After we finished Monopoly we went into our room to move things around. Ryleigh's friend decided to stick around and help which is a LIVE SAVER. It's a little easier with four people instead of two.

Ang and I both love our new set up. Instead of my bed being underneath hers, she has her desk, and my bed on the other side of the room with my desk at the foot of my bed and the futon between both beds. I put up my two posters in a different spot and went to target to buy a third. The first two posters are of supernatural, with Sam, Dean, and Cas, and the other of The Walking Dead with my future husband Daryl. The third poster is a mashup of inspirational/motivational quotes and sayings, because Lord knows I need motivation to get out of bed some days. You could say this snow day was very relaxing, exciting, and refreshing.

Now fingers crossed school is canceled tomorrow too.

Let's Start Over

The start of the new year has already gone and passed us by. We now enter the second month of 2016 and I can't help but feel that I haven't accomplished anything. Now I know its only been one month and resolutions are dumb and forgotten about by now, but I still want to do something to better myself. I don't necessarily want to set goals for myself because I know that I will forget about them, or just not care and get that second slice of cake anyway. I have made the choice to start over my new year, but this time instead of goals I will just try to make better choices. Wether it be taking the stairs instead of the elevator, or maybe not taking that shot of whiskey thats going to flip my stomach in ten minutes. No matter what the decision I hope to make the better ones.

While I'm on the subject of starting over. I don't really know what possessed me to write. I am in no means a good writer. Often times I ask my roommate to check my papers before handing them in. Quiet frankly I don't even know if I'm going to keep up with this. Right now blogging is something to pass the time and force myself to sit down and think about what is happening in my life, or what I'm avoiding in life (like the two page paper I have due at midnight that I still haven't started). I remember when I was about 8-10 I started blogging on a site that was specifically for younger girls to blog and read about each other, and I am surprised at how long I kept up with it. Maybe this is just me revisiting my past, or I'm just a really good procrastinator.

Speaking of procrastination, I have a two page paper, two chapters worth of critical thinking questions, another 3 page journal entry for ed psych, and I have to print off my study guide for tomorrow. So I better be on my way, honestly I'm probably going to go procrastinate some more.